God!!! I realli realli wanna wanna dedicate my whole life and surrender myself to u, but somehow or another, I just cant seem to control myself to feel in a certain way.

1st) which is the worst among all. I just seem to feel terrible whenever I see her. Her actions, the way she does things, the people she hang around makes me feel terrible in my heart, almost similar to a knife stabbing into my heart.
Have been trying to avoid sight but I just cant bear to do that. But if I gain sight, I feel terrible. Prayed to God whenever I feel this way and yet still feel this way! WHY???
Are you shaping my heart God??????? I really dunno what to do but to depend on your strength only..

almost 2.5 already............ am on the verge of giving up and not pursuing anymore. If we're ment to be together, no matter what happens we will be together, if we're not ment to be together, no matter how much I try to get ourselves together, we will still end up seperated. May God guide the right path for me to walk on in life. I dun wanna make stupid decisions that is gonna make my best years for God into waste!




2nd) Felt bad but 2 weeks without spending enough time with my Father in Heaven. Have been quite distracted by work, things to do outside work, and games.

Gimmie strength to die to myself God! I wanna be the great person U want me to be but it has to start from me building an intimate relationship with U.



3rd) Having this sense that I have been deeply deprived from physical kind of love that is shown to me. I have no idea why but I really feel a lack of physical love. I really desire to see people showing obvious love to me instead of loving in the background until the time is right then make it into physical love. I know love is present around me all the time but I really really dun see it!! I really desire this God!! I know that U know that I have not been recieving such things since I was young. Family breakup sucks! But have went through already. I really seeking for the kind of love that I missed soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much in my childhood days.
God please reveal to me! :(

I'm kinda lost and has heavy fog ahead of my road. I wanna be clear of what my purpose in life is and God's will for me! I dunwan to be lost eventhough Im already a Christian.